Posted by : Cerita Farjannah Sabtu, 21 Julai 2012
Tell my why do things have to change when they were perfect from the start...?
Why do we have to lose everything that we have always been holding onto, after everything that we've been through together..?
I kept thinking that this loneliness, this sadness, this.. emptiness would be gone if I kept you by my side. But now, I realize that even though something is near you.. they feel.. distant. Was it because I was forcing them to continue staying by my side? Was it because.. because you don't feel the way I wanted you too. Was it because.. was it because I was too selfish to realize what you truly felt? Was it because.. I was always focusing on my feelings, that I didn't even have the time to consider what YOU felt? Or was it because.. you saw right through me..?
I thought that this love was our destiny. I thought that you would always stay by my side because.. I felt something connect between us when we first met.. All I ever wanted for us to be happy, but I guess things wasn't like the way it was before..
I just wanted to say.. that even after all we've been through, you thought me something special. Even though our love didn't last, I truly realized how it felt like to have a true love... The last thing I ever received from you was your last smile... and the first and last letter you gave to me..
I am sitting in my room, writing this letter. Although, I'm not the type to write, I'd rather say it here rather that in your face because.. I'd rather not see that tears on your face. You might already know what I'm about to say, but.. please forgive me. I couldn't give you everything you wanted, and I feel pathetic that I couldn't.. In the times we've spent there were times when you truly smiled, and times when I saw those fake smiles.. To tell you the truth, I hated myself every time you had to force yourself.. I just wanted to tell you that you didn't have to force yourself.. It didn't matter to me whoever you were, but I guess.. I just didn't want to see you this way.."
I stopped and tears came out of my eyes. I wasn't forcing myself.. maybe telling myself to do so, was like that.. but those times, I wasn't mad or sad.. I was overjoyed because I've always wanted this moment to come.. I wanted to treasure you forever.. But now you're gone..
" We've been together for so long.. but, we both know our relationship changed after all those years. We changed.. and in you heart, I think you realized it too. Maybe the time together, got us to realize that we needed some time apart. You might think that this will be a couple of weeks and a couple of months.. but.. I don't know. Every time we fought, I hated myself for it. Somehow, even though we loved each other, we lost that magical bond that kept us together. I know that sounds like an excuse, but please forgive me when I say that I didn't mean to fall in love with someone else."
I stopped for a moment. Repeating that sentence in my head. "Please forgive me when I say that I didn't mean to fall in love with someone else." Although this letter was never unopened.. and even though that was a year ago, it still hurt.
" I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again, just as I'll understand if you tell me that you hate me. Part of me hates me, too. Even though you may not want to hear it, I want you to know that you'll always hold a special part in my heart. You're the perfect girl, you're kind and gentle, but more than that.. you're the first girl I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that yours and my life is better for it.
p\s: The hardest part of being broken is moving on with your life though you're miserable inside. the excruciating pain will be a torture for each and every passing day. it's hard to live like your normal self again, because all you could think about is the pain of losing someone you dearly love....and most painful? is...losing him because of somebody else. no soothing words could compensate the pains......every waking moment without him is a constant reminder that he's no longer yours...